single mom blog

Baby Blues?

2011-07-23T09:50:00.000-07:00

This post is a snippet from some writing I'm doing for a class I'm taking. I chose post- partum depression as my topic. Today it occurred to me, as I was looking through some of my snippets, that I should post some of it here. I know I write VERY sporadically and that's not ' good blogging practice'; I'm so tired all the time...
But there are some people out there, like I was, looking for something to read that will give them a sense of connection in the crazy world of single parent hood and I want to contribute. I rely on that connection also.

Post partum depression:
The first few months of motherhood are not what you think. From the moment my daughter first squawked, darkness crept in. It was dark in the hospital bed, dark in the shower, dark while I tried to get her to latch. I cried while trying to figure out the swaddle and hold her squirmy body in the sink. She chomped hard with her gums on my nipples, frustrated that I was only producing colostrum. She seemed to only lie still for momentary lapses.
I couldn’t relax, so I couldn’t sleep. I lied awake and stared at the ceiling and listened to the nurses chatter at their station and watched the clock tick. I felt alone.
Nurses came and gave me disapproving looks. Nobody offered to hold her.
I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t stand upright. I just wanted to rest. I didn’t get a proper rest until December of that year. She was born August 27.
For many,the first few months of motherhood aren’t cuddles, sleeping, eye gazing and giggles. It’s mainly frustration, anxiety and grief; particularly if you are going it alone.
Adjusting to a totally new way of life is frustrating.
Being responsible for another human being’s survival is anxiety building.
Realizing your life will never, ever, ever be as it was before is depressing.

My values and Hers.

2011-05-31T20:50:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago my daughter created a serious moment. She stopped the busy task she had been doing and said, "mama? I have a question."

"What is your question", I asked.

She took what seemed to be a deep breath and said, "MAY I have a pet?"

Oh gad no! She is asking me for a pet? At four years old??? Help me! I can barely take care of herself and myself. There is no effin' way I can handle a pet?

But she seems to have thought this through so I asked her what kind of pet she wanted.
She replied, "a fish, or a cameleon......

A cameleon? Ya right.

So, I ended the moment by promising to think about it and get back to her.

Tonight - approximately two whole weeks later - she asked again. "Mommy... when can I get my pet?"

Here is the thing. I have an issue with people who keep fish for pets. I think it is circus like. I think it's twisted to keep a living thing trapped for our viewing pleasure. Lots of people I know do it but it's not for me.

And - you know! This kid is starting to challenge me!!! First with the Barbies and now fish!
I cringe inwardly every time I have to play 'barbies'. People have suggested that Barbie is different now that she is 'Career Barbie'

Whatever! she is still wearing high heels and a top that barely covers her boobs. Furthermore she is wearing more makeup these days than any barbie of the past. Barbie doesn't look like ANY WOMAN I know. It's reinforcing an ideal of 'woman' that my daughter will never obtain, thus paving the way for self esteem damage down the line!

And isn't it a bit ironic that we play: Barbie gets married and has a family- when I'm not married?

Where do I put my foot down? I didn't realize parenting would be so political!

Do I get her a fish?

Tired?

2011-04-29T11:49:00.000-07:00

Did you wake up at 200 am to watch the wedding?

Did you then wake up at 600 am and go to work?

You must be EXHAUSTED! .................

Imagine this feeling multiplied by 3 as if you woke up then went back to sleep, woke up then went back to sleep, woke up then went back to sleep and then woke up for the day finally at six am.

Now add to that, incessant cawing like a crow in your ear each time you woke up and for thirty minutes while you try to fall back asleep.

Now add bloody breast nipples and an aching back.

And... you can't get a nap until, if you're lucky, 600pm.

That would be 1/ 365th of what it feels like to be NURSING MOTHER in the first year of a baby's life.

NOW IMAGINE:

The bleeding nipples, the cawing, the feeling of needing to go back to sleep AND...

there is no coffee left,

there are no groceries in the fridge,

there is a stinky dirty diaper flood in the bedroom,

the laundry is overflowing,

you haven't eaten a cooked meal in two months,

the bills are piled up next to the computer,

You have NOTHING to look forward to. No one is coming to relieve you at 600pm.

That would be 1/365th of what is like to be a SINGLE NURSING MOTHER in the first year of a baby's life.

MY LIFE LIST

2011-02-17T22:53:00.000-08:00

I have been inspired by Mighty Girl to create a

LIFE LIST: a list of things I want to accomplish in this lifetime. I will add to it and cross off as necessary - I hope.

-commit to my life list
-play with my grandchildren
-drink wine and eat cheese on a street side patio in Paris
-become committed to practicing Yoga
-be committed to a blog about Claire
-see a broadway play
-visit a neighbourhood pub in New York
-live abroad ( for more than a few months)
-get married
-earn a masters degree
-have a signature meal that I can prepare without a recipe
- a signature scent
-have a good tailor
-live in California again
-read one good book a month
-be 15 pounds lighter than I am now.
-document all my family pictures which are on slides.
-develop my appreciation for classical music by, at least, knowing what I'm listening to and by owning more than one classical music cd.
-become a master level swimmer

not the houseplant kind.

2011-02-16T11:46:00.000-08:00

I can just about take care of me, Claire, the house, the car and work. The houseplants, however, are S.O.L.

I'd like to be a houseplant person as, I imagine, being good at taking care of plants also means being organized, relaxed, peaceful and nurturing.

I'd like to be those things. I want to have sunlight streaming through a simple but cozy living room. I'd like to offer my guests hot tea with enough for a second cup always ready.
I'd like to listen like a monk whilst sipping a roobois.

House plants suggest security and earthy wisdom.

Alas, mine are all dead. I don't get too excited when I receive one as a gift. It's like bringing the thing to the hangman.

Wha happen?

2011-02-09T21:04:00.000-08:00

Somehow the kid weasled her way back into my bed. She is in there now. Seriously?
I am out here, eating gingerbread, drinking pinot gris and watching American idol.

operation: run errands

2010-12-30T22:56:00.000-08:00

Mission: to return a steam floor cleaner and purchase an SPF facial moisturizer with BHA

Mission must be planned strategically and then executed precisely else one or both tasks will not be achieved.

1) make sure it is neither too close to nap time nor too soon after waking. Must find the happy time which is somewhere in between.

2) tell child you are going to McDonalds

3) make sure purse is packed with distractions: doll, bandaids, iphone ( apps )

4) Hit Walmart due to McDonalds

5) go to McDonalds first and purchase fries as they take a while to consume.

6) While child is consuming fries, immediately head toward pharmacy isle. B line as time is ticking.

7) once there, ask a sales person to direct you to the correct facial product area so as not to waste time on location.

8) If sales person isn't there, move fast. Normally I would say ditch cart since maneuvering a cart in Walmart is time consuming. However, you have the steam vac on board so...

9) Do not attempt to compare prices. Grab the first brand that says, " SPF 30" and look for the ingredients. If the ingredients have BHA, Hot Damn - head to customer service

10) Return steam vac and buy SPF product. Look more carefully at the product once at home. If it's not what you need, plan another mission for return.

Note: Don't even think about perusing the ladies clothing or toy section. The kid is just one fry away from the Walmart Whine. Get your butt home and consider yourself accomplished for the day.

Now the party begins

2010-08-30T12:35:00.000-07:00

When I first became a mom, I was ,admittedly, kind of excited about throwing birthday parties. I got really into the cake ( spent like 60 bucks on her first birthday cake), carefully considered the goody bags, brought booze for adults.

Now on her fourth birthday I'm starting to show signs of slacking. I won't go over 20 for the cake, and I basically decided on the party favors one hour before I left to go to the party.

This is so very wrong. See, when they were two they didn't give a damn. I had great goodies for them and some of them didn't even make it back home.
Now I have crap goodies and the first thing the kids ask is when will they get a goody bag.

For shame.

On peri- menopause.

2010-08-28T22:59:00.000-07:00

Yes. peri menopause.
According to Christiane Northrup MD., 40 is an approximate age for perimenopause.
So, I'm raising a toddler while experiencing peri menopause.
Our metabolisms are polar opposites.
She eats three huge meals a day including snacks and all the ice cream she can stand. Whereas I have been advised to cut out all sugars including alcohol in order to control midlife weight gain.
Sucks.
I am watching Last Tango in Paris. I'm thinking, how
come Marlon Brando, at 45, can take a lover who is 20 ?
Cause I don't think I can take a 20 year old lover. Not unless I look like Susanne Sommers.

Not only is he old, he is bossy and curmudgeonly.

working mom issue number one.

2010-06-23T08:32:00.000-07:00

There are issues a plenty with this topic.

I need feedback on this one.

My toddler woke at two am complaining of an earache. She did not have a fever. She could NOT go back to sleep!!!!
It took two hours of stories, songs, bottles of warm milk, back scratches and the like.... before she finally drifted off around 430.

Now HOW do I wake her up in order to put her through the mad dash that is preparing for work/ daycare?

Is this not cruel?

Do I let her sleep and call in sick to work or
Do I manhandle her awake in the name of being a responsible adult and teaching her that life is sucky like that?

honestly.. what do you other working parents do???

Getting back in the Groove

2009-10-01T15:14:00.000-07:00

I'm finding my way back into the groove... I think.

Lately, I've felt so overwhelmed and depleted that my ability to be insightful about my 'single-mom experience' has been disabled.
I've really just felt shitty and, well, weak.

My inner talk is something like this: "What is your problem? Everybody else is doing it! Suck it up lady!"

So I've been hiding out as much as I can between toddler's bedtime and my bedtime. Letting the house get messy, drinking wine, and watching Dancing with the Stars.

Today I've been able to catch up on my reading and you've inspired me! singlemomsurvives's post about music and her music savvy mom guest spot ignited a spark of hope.
From there, I found Rock and Roll Mama and then I watched a Mely oke vlog and well - Now I'm feeling a little more get up and go.

Thank you gals... I'm gonna download some Dar Williams and listen to some new tunes while making dinner tonight. Perhaps soon I'll contact music savvy mom for a guest dj spot just to be brave like you!

oooh obee doo... I wanna be like you hoo hooo. ( Jungle Book )

Where did my fragment of a life go?

2009-09-17T13:22:00.000-07:00

I want to write something thoughtful and inspired but the truth is I've barely had time to keep up with basic hygiene lately!

I started full time work a few weeks ago and I have yet to figure out how to carve proper personal time into this new schedule.

Previously, I was in school and while this required more actual output of work, it was easier to schedule time in which to do the work.

Paid employment means I have to be in a cubicle for a designated 8 hours per day, therefore, I have less ability to get things done.
By things I mean things that are important.

Work is SUCH a waste of time. At least the work I'm doing is.
Sure - I enjoy water cooler chat and lattes but there are things I NEED TO GET DONE!

Anyhow - blogging and,to be honest,parenting,showering,cleaning,tv watching, book reading,and thinking,are all taking a back seat right now.

Thanks for listening.

Ps.. I enjoy reading everybody elses stuff so although I'm asking to be excused, I am also requesting that you all continue to write!

One Word.

2009-09-03T15:37:00.000-07:00

From Mommy Maria

Here’s how it works: USE ONLY ONE WORD for each answer!
If you like, copy and change the answers to suit you and pass it on.

1. Where is your cell phone? DESK
2. Your hair? SHORT

3. Your mother? CRAZY
4. Your father? DEAD
5. Your favorite food? SOUP
6. Your dream last night?BLANK
7. Your favorite drink? SCOTCH
8. Your dream/goal? LEISURE

9. What room are you in? OFFICE
10. Your hobby? TALKING
11. Your fear? POVERTY
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? LAGUNA
13. Where were you last night? BED
14. Something that you aren’t? SKINNY
15. Muffins? OUI
16. Wish list item? VACUUM
17. Where did you grow up? VANCOUVER
18. Last thing you did? ANSWER THE PHONE
19. What are you wearing? LILLA P.

20. Your TV? SMALL
21. Your pets? ANNOYING
22. Friends? GONE
23. Your life? GONE
24. Your mood? CURMUDGEON
25. Missing someone? RICCARDO
26. Vehicle? KIA
27. Something you’re not wearing? NYLONS
28. Your favorite store? CRABTREE&EVELYN
29. Your favorite color? RED
30. When was the last time you laughed? LONG
31. Last time you cried? YESTERDAY
32. Your best friend? M.I.A
33. One place that I go to over and over? POTTY
34. One person who emails me regularly? MOM
35. Favorite place to eat? PUB

Never in a million years

2009-09-03T09:31:00.000-07:00

The places and things I never in a million years dreamed I'd come to know and love.

Ah... to be pregnant and smug.

Tree House: "Big and Small", "Max and Ruby" "Four Square!" ... ya baby.

McDonald's: thank you so much. really.

Ikea: one dollar breakfast, booze in the cafe and my child is usually exhausted upon our return.

Indoor playgrounds! : disgustingly tacky doubtfully safe promise of a full cup of coffee

cereal bars: a guaranteed source of my extra 15 pounds but - mornings suck...

jelly beans: bribes

Reality TV: most direct route to totally zoning out.

Scotch whiskey: fuck em

The cost of pride.

2009-08-31T10:48:00.000-07:00

Since my daughter was born, I've been on a, somewhat obssessive, mission to make certain her childhood was normal or not obviously different. Read: just like mine.

I want her to to live in a nice neighborhood, have a nice room, good toys, nice clothes...

I want her to participate in programs that her friends participate in.

I want her to go to the Aquarium and Science World and bear popular gifts at birthday parties.

I don't want her house to look different than her friend's houses.
( When I was growing up, I had two friends whose homes I was afaid of. They were single parent homes )

I don't want her to feel that she lacks anything.

However this mission may be driving me into a deep hole of debt.

I'm coming to the realization that perhaps I've been denying the reality of my situation.

The reality being, I don't have the income to support her the way two incomes can.

Am I the only one trying to protect her from being different with debt.?

Shout out to Grandparents

2009-08-24T20:15:00.001-07:00

Parenting is hard, no?

Thank God they grow up right?

Oh Glory be the day!

Can you imagine instead of reaping the rewards of finally reaching the end of the tunnel( ie: lounging around on adirondack chairs for 25 odd years), you turn yourself around to go back to the beginning of the tunnel?

Today I met a Grandmother who fought to retrieve her four year old Grandson from foster care after the authorities aprehended him from an addicted mother.

It was terribly sad to hear the story of this child's short life so far.

But hope is there due to the hard work and sacrifice of his Grandparents.

They are regular, hard working people. They don't appear to be rolling in cash (with which to pay for raising this child), but they believed that his start in this world was more important than their 'freedom 55' dreams.

My body can barely handle the toddler at my age.

My hat is off to these Grandparents and all the others who step up for innocent children.

Rock it out now while you still can.

2009-08-19T21:08:00.000-07:00

Today was a sureal, life lesson kind of day.
I was helping a family friend move her eighty two year old
mother who had been, up until today, living in the same house since she was married.
She Was a school teacher. She lost her husband years ago.
Her son ( our friend's brother ) had been living in the house the past few years and taking care of her.
He died.
Suddenly.

Anyhow, our friend needed to go back to work, which is overseas, and somehow my mother and I ended up helping this woman move to a new 'assisted living' facility.

See? how did that happen? why us?
I don't know but somehow I find myself there today.

And it was CRAZY!

CRAZY STUFF:
going thru her things and finding books, letters and photos from as far back as the 17 Century. ( stuff that had been passed on to her )
The toilet thingy
hanging out in the 'old folks home which is lovely, in a sort of creepy kind of way.
Her eyes...
Taking 35 minutes and three people to get her up off the floor after she had fallen down.

This is what I realized as a result:

I need to rock it out a little more. This body will only treat me well for so long.

So I've decided to make more of an effort to get out of the house! This means a concerted effort to seek babysitting and a social life and maybe even.... gasp - dating?

What about you gals? guys (?) Is there enough fun in your life or is the kid pretty much it?

My Single Mommy identity crisis.

2009-08-17T21:05:00.000-07:00

This, I guess, is a response to you Tara! Since you were the only one to comment on my question.:) thanks...

Well

The reason I asked this question about perception of Single Moms by Choice is because I'm not sure where I fit in.

From the day I realized that I would be making this journey alone, I've been seeking a community of other women or men in the same boat.

But I found that calling myself a 'single mom' did not direct to me to other women in my boat; It got me into boats, but they weren't the same.

First I found myself grouped with teen moms.
I was prioritized for the Mother Goose program, a program aimed at promoting literacy and connection between parents and children. I didn't realize why I was prioritized for this. It's an awesome class and it was great not to waitlist like everyone else but it felt wrong. I wasn't sure why I was getting this priority and I was embarrased to share it with my other mommy friends.

Also,as a result of a phone interview regarding a spot for daycare, I was slotted into a young mothers program, which cost less but meant I needed to attend classes on parenting.
I didn't know I had been slotted this way until I showed up the first day and, I admit, I was a little offended.
I know the administrator was just trying to do her job and this program seems like a great opportunity for young mothers. However, I was a 36 year old university educated, working, middle class mom. That was not the right place for me.

The next boat I was directed towards was the divorced mommy boat. During my maternity year, I was referred to a single mothers support group that I attended -once.
The group was supposed to have had daycare. So I wrapped my three month old bundle of collicky joy up one morning and headed to this group. I was hopeful that day.
But the daycare was filled with children over 5 and they told me they couldn't watch anyone under three.
Also, the group (of great gals) was 100 percent divorced moms with husbands to disect and school age children to discipline.
Incidentally they also gave away free bread at this group.
Hmmmm. I didn't fit there either.

So then I decided that I must be called a Single Mom by Choice.

I looked online to find: Singlemothersbychoice.com

This must be me, I thought.

"A single mother by choice is a woman who decided to have or adopt a child, knowing she would be her child's sole parent, at least at the outset" singlemomsbychoice.com

But since referring to myself as a Single Mom by Choice, I have found that many people assume that I intended to conceive. Some people think I've received fertility assistance and some people actually believe that I "trapped" some poor innocent fella so that I could have a baby. By the way, I don't believe this EVER happens. I think it's just another way to blame women.

So, Tara,
I asked the question to see if I was using the right "label" for myself.
Based on your response, the label suits the contents. Your assumption was fairly close:
"Well, here's what I would assume, based on how I feel about being a single mom by choice. If you're like me, you were in a relationship that was toxic..."( Tara ).

My circumstances are/were this:
I was in a very short relationship that wasn't going to work. I became pregnant. I told him. He freaked out and wanted no part of it.
I thought about it and concluded that I was presented with a miraculous opportunity to raise another human and I wasn't going to turn this miracle away just because I wasn't married. I am JUST AS CAPABLE as a married woman to raise a child. I will just have a different challenges.

This is my Single Mommy identity:

I am Single
I am raising a child alone.
I chose to do that.
I did not choose to become pregnant.
I am not young and naive
I was not ever married
I do not have a biological father to contend with
I struggle financially
I am not POOR.
I work.
I study
I LOVE BEING A MOTHER AND HAVE FROM THE MOMENT I FOUND OUT I WAS ONE

So did anybody else out there have a single mommy identity crisis?

Single Mom by Choice?

2009-08-13T10:56:00.000-07:00

I've been pondering this lately and I need some input:

I've been referring to myself as a Single Mom by Choice. Could you help me out and answer these questions for me.

What does Single Mom by Choice mean to you?

What assumptions do you make about my circumstances?

Much appreciated... thanx.

WEEKENDS ARE HARD.

2009-08-10T10:22:00.000-07:00

I survived.

Another one down.

I can now, after a full cup of hot coffee and silence for one hour, feel my body start to relax. My muscles are letting go of active duty.

Mondays are my break. Weekends are the push.

From Friday till Monday, it's full time interaction and vigilance with no respite.

Respite:
someone to take her to the potty while I clean up the lunch; someone to make lunch while I build train tracks; someone to take turns going down the slide or lift her onto the climbing apparatus; someone to exchange glances with or to laugh with at her antics; Someone to take the lead in discipline when I've lost my mind ...

From the moment I open my eyes to see her excitedly staring down at me, till the moment I peak in and see that she is slumped into energy replenishing sleep, I am on active duty. Alone. Then it starts again the next day.

The best weekends are when I'm organized enough to have meals prepared in advance and a social schedule to meet.

The worst ones are when I have to make the meals amidst chaos, and we have no social engagements.

The summer is hard because many of our friends go on family holidays = no one to play with.

Weekends are when the married folk spend family time together = no one to play with.

The irony is in my Monday morning greetings with co workers/colleagues.

Oblivious Co worker: "Did you have a good weekend?"

Me: "yep."

Co worker: "they're never long enough are they?"

Me (cringing inside ) "nope."

T.G.I.M!

singlemomsays

2009-08-07T13:38:00.000-07:00

having trouble focusing due to what is going on over at:

singlemomsays

I hate the ' choices ' debate. I can't seem to intellecutualize on it. I just feel it.

It sucks.

am in recovery mode. ie: eating pretzels and hiding out under blanket.

all "little creatures" are the same right?

2009-08-05T22:18:00.001-07:00

I really dislike the resident manager and his wife in my strata.

I guess I should say, we have different points of view.

They are kidless people who complain A LOT ( with notes under the door ) about toys on patios or.. " storage containers that are not neutral in color"

I've made my opposition known - angrily and awkwardly.

Tonight, while C and I were on a pajama walk, as we do, we crossed paths with this annoying couple out walking their two dogs.

First the man smiled and made some comment about the weather. Of course, I smiled in return thinking " oh ok we make peace today then?"

The wife then comes up behind.

Now at this point I must add to the story that two days ago, the wife saw me struggling to carry C home while C was in full blown kicking and screaming tantrum due to having to leave the park.

Back to today. The woman approaches all smiles and comments, "she's so sweet" nodding to my daughter. I respond, " yes.. a little sweeter than the last time you saw her"

To which she replies, " oh... I totally understand. All little creatures ( looks down to miniature dog) have their moments"

?

?

The dreaded ...

2009-08-04T22:20:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday, my dd and I were at a small gathering to comfort old family friends that had lost a loved one recently.

In my experience thus far, these things are always a little awkward and having a three year old at the event can go either way: great ice breaker or bad timing interrupter.

In this case, she was a dream. Ice breaking marvelously and doing little dances and songs that were lightening the mood just the right amount.

All was well and I started to relax enough to talk to the person who had been hurting the most, when my ears pricked up to the sound of, " When I grow up, I'm going to have a daddy! "

OH DEAR GOD.

Now these are old family friends who know very little of our situation, had never met my daughter and haven't seen me since I was 16. Furthermore, the majority of people at the gathering were over 50. Assume what you like from this comment. I'm not ageist, just painting a picture of the atmosphere.

Like I said they don't know much about us but I am fairly certain that everyone who has ever come into contact with me in my whole thirty odd years knows the gossip: She has a daughter but NOBODY KNOWS about the father..... it's a MYSTERY.

So there we were in our finery, acting civilized and my daughter throws this curve ball. I tried to ignore it as did everyone else, but she doesn't get social cues yet therefore, she proceeds to ask all the men at the gathering, " are you my daddy?" "are you my daddy," to which they all replied an enthusiastic and embarrassed, "NO!" and then followed up with an awkward comment like, " aren't you cute! " or "that's a lovely dress your wearing.."

I had to intercede but not being sure of what to do, I joined in the game. We played a brief ( to me felt like an eternity of exposing my sex life to millions ) game of " are you my daddy? " laugh chuckle laugh.

I knew I was going to have to deal with this at some point, but had no clue it would be this early. She is only just turning three.

I think about it all the time and the only plan I have this far is to not make a big deal out of it.

Do you think that's right?
Does anyone have any suggestions?

two year old and a bottle?

2009-07-06T20:10:00.000-07:00

I've been a bit concerned about still giving C a bottle of milk at night. She is, after all, almost three years old. Tonight I got a big CLUE when I said -as I usually do, " do you want a baba with milk tonight, C?" and she responded,
"sure! I'd love one."

I was embarrassed for myself.

SEX

2009-07-03T21:54:00.000-07:00

thinking it's not ever going to happen again.

bummer.

Don't grow up too fast .. too soon...

2009-06-30T21:56:00.000-07:00

Community festival today.

Was so preciously amazing to watch her participate in team activites.

My heart expanded as I watched her joyful abandon, running and smiling -looking around once in awhile for support from me.

I thought to myself, " so far... so good."

drinking heavily between 8 and 10

2009-05-08T22:14:00.000-07:00

Apparently my night time routine is sucking. I thought, so naively,that after I had made it through 'the cry it out' phase when she was 8 months old, that I had taken care of night time issues for good.
OH HELL NO. I was so mistakenly proud of myself back then....
I am now experiencing what I truly hope is a phase called, I own you and everything in my world.
My child is controling me and it is working. By the end of the day, I am so exhausted. I sooooooooo need a moment to sit and relax free from duties. I am weak Weak Weak Weak. The child fully takes advantage of this, making demands every two to five minutes from her room: " I want mama!", " I want to go to the potty", I want music, I don't want music, I want pooh bear, I want more dinner...
The dinner one gets me in the heart.
My child is going to sleep after nine thirty. This is awful - for her and for me. Help!
Do other people's kids go to bed more easily than this? If so, oh please tell me how!!!!!

Words I repeat inspired by single parent dad.

2009-04-24T21:06:00.000-07:00

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE SWEETIE.
I hate this because I hear myself saying it all the time. It underscores the fact that I am always busy when Claire and I are in the house. This is another blog entry.

LOOK AT MAMA
I read this in some discipline book. eye contact is essential.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE FOR DINNER/TO DO/ TO WEAR
like Single Parent Dad, this is a big mistake which I always regret instantly but I can't seem to shake the habit.

NIGHT NIGHT
repeated in a hopeful sometimes desperate tone every ten minutes or so between 730 and 930.

WHAT'S THE MATTER BABY?

WOULD YOU LIKE A HUG?
this is my way of difusing situations which are escalating. It's touch and go as to its effectiveness.

SI SENORA
drives her crazy. She responds with " NO!! NO sing ora

ARE YOU MY LITTLE ANGEL?
another one that often drives her crazy.

OK LETS HIT IT.
mean: we are late as usual. Lets go lets go lets go lets go!

OKAY OKAY OKAY!

A few thoughts on Cleaning:

2009-04-14T17:42:00.001-07:00

No matter how many times I dry mop the floor, there are alway bits down there.

My room is so messy I'm considering sleeping on the couch tonight.

The swanky black painted ceramic, grill style new stove popular in the condo community, is presently the bane of my existence.

I am soon to start purchasing carpet stain removal by the pallet.

the inevitable dilema

2009-04-03T20:43:00.001-07:00

When I chose to have my daughter on my own, I knew this day would come but between that time and now, I had forgotten.

It's here.

My friends are having second children.

I just found out yesterday that my last remaining 'single child' mommy friend is now pregnant.

I don't like to admit it but this made me sad...for a number of reasons:

1) Being an only child myself, I always thought that if I ever had one child, I would have another. There were many great things about being an only child, but nothing trumped having a sibling, in my eyes. Now, my daughter is an only child.

2) I'm selfishly and, perhaps, childishly, concerned that now i won't be part of the group. Having a group of mommy friends was/is so vital for me. I think it is for many women but I feel it may be more important to me because being single, I don't share with anyone else. Although I haven't known these women long, they are like family to me and C. They say it won't change things but, I think it will.
"We'll still be close" is what I told my other friends; the ones I hardly see anymore because they don't have children.

My friends are blessed and I'm looking forward to the new arrivals. I must also admit a little part of me would be terrified to do that first year again! Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Truly. terrible.... ( for me ) and that's another blog post.
Anyhoo.
would love to, sometime, hear thoughts from any one else out there...

University kid.

2009-03-31T22:00:00.000-07:00

Today after daycare p/u, C and I went for a walk to return some books to the library.

It was a sunny, crisp, windy day. We were bundled up. She with blankets and mittens riding in her stroller and me with my perma parka. ( life in the Great Wet/Cold North).

We went through the awesome campus with its amazing architecture and smell of study. We saw the remains of students at the end of the day. We went into the library and C said, "look mama There are lots of computers!".

While walking back home, I computed the obvious: my daughter is growing up at a University. She is becoming familiar with a University library, which is the gateway to knowledge, at two years old.

I wonder if she will recall these images as she grows and will she be inspired by it even though she is so young. Maybe she won't remember. Maybe she will!

I felt proud of myself for going back to school and bringing my daughter with me.

Then I realized, I don't think I brought her. I think she brought me.

What my world has come to:

2009-03-03T20:47:00.001-08:00

hi-five mornings
dora evenings
cold, shallow baths with tub crayons
cold dinner
binge bad behavior on nites off

Oddly, I'm happy.

Academics!

2009-02-18T20:46:00.000-08:00

I am (figuratively )the gray haired woman at school. There are many levels to this experience. However, today, I just want to say how pretentious university can be. Nothing to do with my gray haired ness, just a view from the real world. How many times can we say, "binary" and "implicit" as well as "fragmented" and "decontstructed"?
I love the critical conversation, but it is certainly difficult to access.

Is daycare making a scrapper out of my girl?

2009-02-16T22:44:00.000-08:00

I was a little concerned at the first shove. My sweet daughter kind of bullying the neighbor's sweet daughter. I chalked it up to inability to communicate her needs effectively. Then she did it again. I internally freaked out. What the heck is going on? She is typically very kind, generous and empathetic.
The neighbor's child was younger... and not nearly as strong verbally which could have been a factor. Perhaps C was trying to say something that the other child didn't understand? I was about to take C out of the situation and home due to bad behaviour when another buddy dropped by. C's behavior got better. So we stayed. This buddy was one of her pals from school ( daycare ). I observed them and eventually, the other guy got aggressive with the innocent one as well. It was awful!
There was enough parental supervision that no one got hurt and they are only two years old so they are not exactly capable of severe bullying. Yet, it was disconcerting and made me wonder. Is my child becoming agressive and tough due to the fact she is in daycare?
There definitely seemed to be more of a scrapper in the one's who were in daycare compared to this innocent one that was a SAHK ( stay at home kid ). If anyone is inclined, my question to the universe is: Is there a difference behaviorly between SAHK's and daycare kids?

Toddler books with one parent families?

2009-02-06T21:05:00.000-08:00

Is anybody out there? I have no idea if anyone reads this blog or not. Although, having said that I realize there isn't much to read yet. And, perhaps, people aren't interested in 'negativity' which could be seen in my blog so far.

I started this blog because I wanted to connect with other single parents without having to join a single mom support group which, I have nothing against.. but I really dont' have time.

I just want to share my experience and read other's, because I know this exchange of info will be helpful to me in so many ways: parenting ideas, a sense of belonging, a place to outlet parenting issues so that my friends who aren't parents aren't burdened or in an uncomfortable position.

Anyhow - if anyone is reading - I could use some suggestions for toddler books that address single parenthood. Almost everything I've come across is about children of divorce. This doesn't work for me. My daughter's "dad" is not a part of her life AT ALL. This is his choice. So, I need a book where the family is a family with just one mom............................ Anyone?

kvetch

2009-01-28T21:27:00.001-08:00

Oh and I had another person say she was in the same boat as me. Her husband sometimes doesn't get home until 7:00.

One good thing

2009-01-28T21:06:00.000-08:00

Today I realized that a great thing about being a single parent is that you don't have to share the glory when your child impresses people: " She is so smart!"..... " She is very well behaved.".... " "You are doing a fantastic job".... ...thanks... oh really? well I try... thank you.

I realized this today because when I went to pick her up after daycare, I got my first 'talking to' by the staff. My princess had misbehaved - a lot. I felt sooooooooo embarrassed, worried, kind of ashamed and... guilty. It sucked not to have someone to share the blame with!

It seems this is going to be a space for me to complain.

2008-12-08T20:39:00.000-08:00

I can't cope today. I cried in public. I became paralyzed while my two year old was screaming on the street saying she didn't want to go home. I was sooooo sad, not because of that incident but just everything, and so I just stood there until some woman came out of her town home and yelled agressively, " Is there a problem?"
I couldn't even get mad. I just snapped out of my paralysis and continued.

bitter mom. First post hahaha

2008-11-07T14:45:00.000-08:00

I'm not comfortable with other mommies making this comment: " I'm basically a single mom too". I realize there are a few women out there who, although married, are in troubled marriages and rarely see their partners let alone share the responsibility of a child. However, I haven't met one of those yet but I have heard this annoying comment more than a few times.
I believe it's an attempt to commiserate with me but they don't have the right to commiserate with me. It simplifies the challenges of single parenting as if childcare is the only factor. It's not unusual that women do the majority of the childcare and, that alone, makes parenting INSANE but childcare is only one aspect of single parenting. How about dealing with issues like dishwasher breakdowns, car repairs, toy assembly. What about not being able to take out the garbage or leave the apt at all after your child is asleep. How about WORKING FULL TIME to pay the bills AND paying the bills. I am the only one who makes or buys dinner seven nights a week. I don't get a break. I don't have anyone to stay home while I go out and shop for myself or scrap book or Craft fair. There is no one to play puzzles with the toddler while I prepare a meal or clean a kitchen or take out the garbage. Nobody to help me deal with an unexpected pipe burst. I deal with it and I deal with the toddler at the SAME TIME.
I am usually not angry about being a single mom. In fact, my situation is better than many others and I don't often complain. However, this comment was made to me last night and - well - now it's the first entry in my Blog.